Thursday, August 22, 2013

Friday Facts


Friday Fact #1: I like lists.

This is not completely accurate, I absolutely adore lists. I worship wonderful lists. I crave carefully crafted lists. I also like alliteration.

I also like routines and easily understandable writing prompts. I have thus decided to try and have weekly Friday Facts where I present a list of facts (duh). This week will feature a list of things I’ve done (do) to my boyfriend that convinces me he is insane (for not breaking up with me).

Why my boyfriend loves me / Crap my boyfriend has to put up with.  It can go either way.

1.       Remembering our anniversary: Not as in “Why the Flowers!? Wow, is it our anniversary??? Shoot, I forgot it was today. I still have a gift though, because I remembered last week.” Nah, I’m more of the “Hey, tall person! When is our anniversary again? It’s in the fall, right?” kind of gal.

2.       Throw water in his face. Waking people up with a splash of cold water in the face is one of my favorite things. Keeping a glass of water by the bed is one of his (maybe, I don’t know, but he does it so I’m just going to assume that’s the reason). This is basic math.

3.       Create awareness about domestic abuse. Every November, our school is decorated with purple ribbons to create awareness about domestic and dating violence. To help the cause, I designed a game; The Purple Ribbon Punch. It’s like Punch Buggy, but more fun for me, because I always win. There are many reasons for this, including my ninja-like reflexes, but also the fact that a 18” giant can’t just run around campus and hit 5”5’ girls. (I made these numbers up, because American units)

4.       Being a girl. Like most girls, I’m a very caring and sharing person. And I’m all for equality and that shit. This means that whenever I have my period, I just really have to share it with the world. The pain, the feelings, the details. This is not appreciated. 

5.       Being overly passionate about Harry Potter. My boyfriend’s biggest flaw may be that he has not read the Harry Potter series. We are working on this, so don’t worry. After all, his initials are RAB and if you ask me, that’s reason enough to date someone. One time when we were doing hw in a local coffee shop, he started saying he would google who died in the 6th book. Having the emotional range of a teaspoon, I did the only thing I could think of; I slapped his thigh the hardest I could as to prevent his research. It may have echoed all across the room. (PS. I feel like hitting him is starting to become a common denominator here. This is upsetting on many levels)

6.       Being true to my convictions and goals. Like most girls (I think?), I have a list of qualities that I want in a man. The first three go as follows: 1. Owns a sailboat. 2. Taller than me. 3. Older than me. Everything is negotiable but the sailboat. Which is why I added a clause in the Boyfriend Agreement stating that he had to procure a sailboat within a year. His failing to do so resulted in me breaking up with him (the day I thought was) our anniversary. The contract was renegotiated to his advantage. Although I’m not quite sure how this happened, I strongly suspect food bribes were involved. Very sneaky…

5 comments :

  1. What is life without HP? And if you view him as a house elf, it´s okay to punish him when he does things he knows he shouldn´t do.

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  2. Not if you are a member of S.P.E.W.

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  3. All the HP references make me happy

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  4. Because American units. Perfect.

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