Friday, September 27, 2013

Friday Facts: If boys are from Mars, I'm probably from Pluto

Friday fact: I don't trust cats and I don't really like them.

After just a couple of weeks of blogging, I realize that I can never show this blog to anyone I might potentially be interested in dating. The few things you know about me so far is that I like to eat (<3 Nutella), I physically abuse my boyfriends, and I tell strangers about my vagina. I also anticipate a lot more oversharing and all this is not something you want people to know before a first date. A good friend of mine's, who shall remain anonymous, reaction to my blog was that it was turning "graphic". Thanks Ty? This means that I probably should start adapting to the idea of becoming a crazy cat lady, which in turn means that I have to learn to like cats. It's not like I have anything against them in particular, but they are not to be trusted. One second they're all "rub my belly, silly human slave", but just a microsecond later they'll decide they are done. Dogs would at this point just walk away, cats impale your hand with their claws and teeth.

However, after some reflection I realize that it wouldn’t really make a difference anyways (It being if a guy I wanted to date saw my blog, in case you forgot after that tangent).

I'm a sucker for bad puns, add that to the list.

Here are a few highlights of my history with guys:

Why I'll end up a crazy cat lady.

1.   I never realize when I’m on a date. The amount of dates I’ve been on where I was unaware of the fact that it was a date is lower than the number where I knew I was on a date. (In case that sentence was confusing: I know it's a date < I don't know it's a date.) One time, I spent four hours at a café talking to a guy without realizing it was a first date. Another time, I was complaining about the shitty food at the dorms during lent and a guy asked if I wanted to go to a fish restaurant the following Friday, because he was going anyways. When I got here: BOOM, double date sneak attack. But really, is it a date when both parties are not aware of the fact? I think not.

2.   I think people hold my hand because they’re cold. When I was saying goodbye to the 4-hr-café-guy, he took my hand. In hindsight, I realize that he probably was leading up to kissing me goodbye. My reaction? "Wow, your hands are cold! And you have a really long walk home. Do you want to borrow my mittens?"

3.   I can’t understand the difference between a compliment and flirting. My friends tell me that if guys you don’t know compliment you on your clothes, they are flirting. This is apparently some sort of rule that all girls know but me. How am I supposed to know that when a guy compliments me on my awesome shoes, he is not really interested in the shoes. 
The only pic I could find, but you're intelligent people. You get the picture. Also, thses shoes are waterproof, pink with glitter, and everyone had them in 4th grade.
4.   I’m generally really bad at understanding when guys are interested. A US friend once asked me about the best way to ask out Norwegian girls. Even omitting the fact that I was the only Norwegian girl on campus, I probably should have understood that something was up. But he had to resort to a love letter and chocolate.

5.   Some people have a filter about what they share with strangers, I don’t. Two weeks ago, I was at a club for my friend’s bachelorette party. When a guy compliments my dress, I manage to reply: O"h thanks, I’m only wearing it because it’s long and I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks. It’s really bad, almost like its own ecosystem down there."

6.   It takes me way too long to realize I like someone. It took me about two months to realize that I had a major crush on a guy I was acquainted with. In that time, I had managed to go on a date (unaware of the fact that it was a date, I might add) with his best friend. This resulted in a lot of annoying drama, the highlight of which was the night they both tried to attack me with kisses and I refused because I’m a prude and don’t kiss people I haven’t consciously dated.

Tell me about your most embarrasing moments with the opposite gender so I don't feel like such a loser,
 

 

9 comments :

  1. Love your writing! it is funny to read :-)

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  2. Love your writing! it is funny to read :-)

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  3. Ok... I just want to know if the US guy who asked the best way to ask a Norwegian out was me, because I think I remember that.

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    1. Shucks... I can say that you aren't the only one that has a ton of awkward problems with the opposite sex though... I mean it does happen to everyone. For me, like you, I'm super awkward and don't really tend to know what's happening when something's happening. I'm also impatient and seemingly always on the quest to find a soul-mate. For me, when Lauren and I broke up.. I relaxed a little and just learned to let the little stuff go. Ultimately I would say that most moments with the opposite sex are awkward for everyone though, just in their own way depending on that person's opinion of the event.

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  4. I have the opposite problem when it comes to the attention from the opposite sex. I am too aware or too jumpy about their intentions or interests in me. I have many a time 'been cautious' talking to a guy who has a girlfriend (standing right behind me) or who is married (with his wife behind me and their common offspring in her arms). Trust me, mine is no better than yours.

    Ida

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    1. Ah, Ida! Why is it so hard to find the golden mean?

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